Movie Review: No Holds Barred
Seven years after his hilarious cameo in Rocky 3, Hulk Hogan finally got his own proper star vehicle in the form of 1989’s No Holds Barred. The movie was produced by WWE and was critically panned while barely breaking even on its $8 million budget. Being a massive wrestling nerd I wanted to see if perhaps this film deserved cult classic status decades later. With a heavy heart I must report the answer is a firm “no.” While occasionally fun, No Holds Barred is mired in mediocrity thanks to an awful script and an underwhelming leading man performance.
Hogan here plays “Rip” a heroic charity-promoting good guy wrestler functioning as a loosely fictionalized version of himself. When Rip refuses to join a rival TV network owned by the evil CEO Tom Brell, he becomes the target of Zeus, a mountainous heel wrestler with a dark history. That’s basically it. In that setup are some captivating performances. One of my favorites is Kurt Fuller of Wayne’s World and Ghostbusters 2 fame, as the delightfully douchey corporate villain. Tiny Lister also gave a breakout performance here leading to his role in Friday. I love his spooky whispering and breathing. Lister embodies Zeus with an otherworldly villainous aura.
The actual wrestling is decent. The film is at its strongest in its first act starting with a fun match featuring a classic Hogan babyface comeback. I loved the cameos by Mene Gene and Jesse Ventura on commentary. Unfortunately it pretty quickly goes down hill from there. The comedy isn’t great with some disgusting literal toilet humor that for no reason I am going to blame on Vince McMahon. Furthermore once the script calls on Hogan to actually act, his shortcomings on screen become very apparent. It doesn’t help that his ‘Rip’ character is boring and lacks any sort of complexity.
The one-dimensionality of the leading man cannot be blamed on it being the 1980’s, not with movies like Die Hard, Rambo, and Roadhouse all showing that over the top action movies can also feature charismatic multifaceted heroes. As with Roddy Piper in They Live, I do put some of the blame on the script. Nevertheless Hogan was an executive producer for No Holds Barred, and given his history of being a mark for himself (tl;dr — being your own biggest fan to the detriment of others), I have to put a lot of the blame for the lame protagonist and uninspired performance on Hulk himself. “Rip” isn’t even his real character and yet he went out of his way to make the guy seem totally without flaw or nuance.
In spite of some jarring tonal shifts (including an attempted rape) the movie feels like it wants to be rated PG. It’s quite bland actually. My sense is that both Vince and Hogan were too cautious with the brand and opted for a very pure simple babyface plot. This kind of storytelling does not translate well from professional wrestling into a film, at least not when done so pedantically. Films need tension, character arcs, and an engaging narrative with some twists. No Holds Barred offers none of this. Were it done as a proper kids movie rated PG and actually starring the real Hulk Hogan instead of this Rip knockoff character I think it could have worked.
No Holds Barred is a bad movie with some endearing elements and moments. It had the potential to be one of those fun cheesy 80’s movies worth watching with friends on a lazy afternoon. The final product really isn’t worth your time unless you are a big Hulk Hogan fan or wrestling nerd. The film is an interesting cultural artifact attesting as to why the Hulkster never became a Hollywood star like The Rock, John Cena, or Bautista. What those three have in common is a willingness to take risks on flawed and compelling characters. Hogan perhaps was overprotective of his brand to the point of smothering it and ultimately sabotaging what could have at least been an entertaining film.
Grade: C+
