Movie Review: Valerian

Valerian is a beautiful mess. It is ambitious and earnest, but still, at root, a mess. It was supposed to be a classic sci-fi adventure. It shoots for the stars (bad pun) but falls way short. “The City of a Thousand Planets” subtitle is only very briefly touched on early. This is a shame because it’s by far the most interesting aspect of the setting. What we get instead by way of plot is your typical spy/action/sci-fi pablum not really worth delving into here. The consensus view that Dane DeHaan is unbelievable as a leading man is accurate but he’s not the only bad casting. Cara Delevingne is also exhausting to watch. Her character, ostensibly the heroine, was written to be as surly and unlikable as possible. This of course makes her irresistible to the male lead who throws away all of his convictions in the film’s final big choice just to make her like him (women absolutely love this sort of thing I’m told).

There is zero consistency both in terms of story and characterization. It’s a shame because, as with Luc Besson’s other films, Valerian is just really pretty. It outdoes Besson’s earlier work The Fifth Element in this regard but it doesn’t have any of that film’s charm. Valerian will never attain similar cult status lacking the charisma of 1990’s Bruce Willis, the frenetic comedy of Chris Tucker, the endearing malice of Gary Oldman as a villain, or the joyful allure of Milla Jovovich. The weak cast and story make it very skippable but I have to at least give credit to the visual designers. Watch the film on mute and every few seconds you will be treated to some gorgeous and imaginative work of CGI. It is a successful technical exercise but a bad film.

Grade: D